Personal & Heart-felt

Spiritual Growth

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Growing up is hard to do.

We've heard that so many times, but you reach a point in your life when you become an adult and you think that the growing is over. Why doesn't anyone tell you it's really just begun? We establish our lives and of course our soul wants more; it wants to create, change, grow, crave and simply experience different. 

This is hard, and of course beautiful at the same time. 

I spent years trying to understand why I always wanted more and could never be 'happy'. Now I understand that as a human I'm constantly changing, evolving and in need of new challenges, new opportunities and new ways of being to satiate my soul. Admittedly, it's a bit tiring, and lonely at times, but always oddly satisfying. I guess my point is, embracing it has made the journey easier emotionally, somewhat less intense yet still pretty challenging. However, with each evolution comes enlightenment, joy, richness, satisfaction, more abundance, and just more ... much, much, more!

You're not confused, you're just growing. You're not crazy, you're just growing. You're not wrong, you're just growing. You're not hopeless, you're just growing. So grow. Face it. See what happens. 

 

Let It Out!

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With this positive movement around us, it’s easy to get caught up in feeling guilty for having negative emotions or at the very least confusing emotions.

Emotions are so elusive anyway - or so we think... 

I don’t know about you, but I’m always some place in the middle of trying to understand them, attempting to honor them, being consumed by them and trying to hide them. Until recently, I decided about 6 months ago to just LET THEM ALL OUT. Yes, that’s right. Let my emotions flow out of me. Sit in a hot bath and cry. Get in-touch with some of the pain that is buried down deep. Feeling a bit crazy anyone? I have to say if you’re going to try this at home BEWARE! I’m only half kidding when I say that, but it’s so worth it when you get on the other side.

The biggest lessons I learned from this ‘crazy’ 6-month experiment:

1)    Owning your feelings feels good.

2)    When you feel broken that’s when you’re on the way to fixing and dare I say thriving.

3)    Emotions need to be released so if you are crying, laughing, burping, and/or yelling you are doing something right!

4)    Just breathe – breathing techniques were the anchor that aided me through this time. They can be so damn powerful!

5)    Learning other tools for release – as you all know I teach and consult using EFT which is a great tool to release feelings constructively. I also used meditation, hypnosis, energy healing on myself during this time.

6)    Don’t be afraid of people thinking you are psycho. I’m not sure why this one was such a big one for me. I guess as women and moms we feel like we have to hold everything together (and get judged), so if we aren’t together, what happens? Well, my husband and my daughter held everything together and guess what? They learned a hell of allot in the process.

7)    Owning your feelings doesn’t mean you have to be nasty to others.

8)    Feeling your feelings should be a private event for the most part.

9)    Being true to yourself is never wrong.

10) Stopping thinking there is an end. It’s a process to release anger, resentment, disappointment, fear, failure, etc. Just go with it and it will end faster.

Number 10 was the biggest lesson of all. I put so much pressure on myself to get over something, meanwhile I’m not really processing it while it happens. We need to process as humans in order to release. Release, process, release, process, and I promise you one day you will wake up just like I did and suddenly feel lighter and free.

‘You’ are back again - the ‘you’, you’ve missed - know well and love – this time stronger than before.

The promise I made to myself is to do a better job of owning my feelings. So, what if I’m angry, sad, upset, I’m going to feel it this time around, process it, deal with it and own it. Life is too short to worry about labels. I deserve a voice!

 

Hello Philadelphia!

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Hello Philadelphia!

Even though my remote practice has been in full swing, I decided to join a very prominent and popular spa in center city (16th/Walnut) Philadelphia to do more hands-on healing. This spa fit my ideal image of where my business needs to be right now: warm, friendly, peaceful, honest and fair and most of all - full of talent. The talent of these woman outshines everything else. These gals are my tribe.

It gives me a safe space to introduce Philly to the world of energy healing - my unique style. Wondering if people will get it, resonate with it and understand it, this has been on my mind day and night, week after week. Living in Philly for almost 10 years, I was fairly confident Philly would get it. And not just get it - love it, leverage it and include it in their lives to drive the personal transformation and individual answers to questions of health and wellbeing they are seeking.

That is my true wish for Philly. I am here to serve you.

As I meet more and more of you, grateful for the stories you share and the intimate secrets you divulge in the name of healing. I’m in awe of you. Hungry for spiritual insight and willing to try something new in the hopes of bringing you some relief, some direction, more love and of course true clarity. I won’t let you down.

Just as energy healing has opened me up to self-love, true love, self-respect, self-empowerment, success, new career heights and relationship peaks, I’m certain it will do the same for you. While the road is not always easy, great gifts are always at the end for the taking.

Will you take them? The choice is yours.

Hello Philadelphia! Thanks for the great big warm welcome. I am here to serve. My goal is simply to bring you closer to you. 

Let Her Fail

Photo by Diana Feil on Unsplash

Photo by Diana Feil on Unsplash

This week I’ve been presented with some different opinions around motherhood. I’m not sure I would have heard them 6 months ago, but this time I was ready. A part of me has been keeping it all together, making sure the family flows just right. Everyone is happy, things are in the right spot where they need to go – well most of the time anyway.

But is this all a little too much? Is making things perfect for my daughter really the best thing for her? I’m not saying I don’t let her fall down when I know she’ll fall safe, just so she can experience what it’s like to fall. But, am I stripping her from other experiences because I want to save her from pain?

I know just as well as anyone else, no one can escape pain. While bullying is wrong, and not sharing is wrong and feeling awkward and vulnerable and out of place is painful. Isn't there a part to this that our kids need to experience, just like we did?

I say yes. But when is the right time? When do you let go? When do you start to lay back and give them their independence enough to stumble, fall, be uncomfortable.

All kids are different but around 3 ½ is when I started to notice she was ready for this next step - I just needed to get ready myself. I think that took a little longer. Now at the dinner table we not only talk about what we're grateful for but also our one failure for the day. We celebrate both.  

The good news is that with this change I finally feel free to get back to me. Find that old go-getter, sexy, fun, full of life me.

It’s time to let her out, the family needs her too.

Just a Reflection

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Life can tend to blend together a bit with days blending into weeks and weeks blending into months. We face daily challenges as individuals, just as our partners face challenges of their own. When the day turns on me and the hits keep coming, I tend to notice my partner's faults more and they become glaring to me. It’s definitely noticeable, and dare I say a tad annoying at times. The day before the look of love and admiration has now slowly turned to judgement.

In the shower the next morning, lost in deep thought about ‘his’ issue. I slowly began to realize this issue is my own. I see it playing out in my own life. This challenge actually belongs to me.

He is just a reflection of me.

Wow, what a tough pill to swallow. Judging him when it’s been my issue this entire time. Or maybe we are both struggling with something and through each other find our truth.

Either way, I feel closer to him than ever before, more in love and more grateful for our partnership, our commitment and so open to seeing how fallible I am. How much more I have yet to grow and learn and change. How grateful I am to see my reflection, to start this process of surrendering, letting go, for me and for him.

Continuing to always grow together again when things seem like we may be growing apart. Simply a new perspective maybe, but it keeps me falling in love with my husband over and over again. 

Life is good.

Calling All Females

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As we go through different phases and milestones in our lives, the relationships with our lady friends change along with us. Some of these changes are for the best, some of them bittersweet and some don’t go down with the eloquence they probably deserve. Why are female relationships such a mystery? You would think by 41 years old I would completely understand the nature of these powerful yet mysterious relationships. Once you become a mom, these relationships can get taken to an even more uncomfortable place. You find a new girlfriend that’s amazing, you bond with her in every way, but your husbands don’t get along, or your children don’t like playing with each other. You still have strong relationships from high school or college but your besties don’t live close or they are so busy with their own families to connect on the regular. You’re subjected to hanging twice a year and its usually centered around some family event like a birthday party.

I just want to say it sucks. I wish it could be easier. I’ve been lucky to bond with some pretty amazing, lifelong girlfriends, but I wish it could be more, I wish I could have even more girlfriends, laughing around me, there for me to call when life isn’t going my way, giving me helpful advice when my child doesn’t adjust to school or when she has croup for the first time. Things only really women know and understand.

To all my girlfriends, I miss you. Thank you for helping me expand my business and supporting me through all the changes I've made to myself and my life.

To all the women I have yet to meet. Go easy on me. I have a genuine need to connect with you and would love to get to know you, be there for you, in a way only a woman can be. I want to experience your joys and be there for you when you question yourself or in need of a friend. I want more girlfriends that add value to my life and vice versa. Ones that are open to deep discussions and wine by the fire minus our mates. Because isn’t that really what life is about?

Sitting in the parking lot…reflecting

Photo by akiyoko/iStock / Getty Images
Photo by akiyoko/iStock / Getty Images

I’m sitting here in the wholefoods parking lot. My 3rd trip this week. I’m 40 …. 40. When I was parting in Greece, Egypt, France and New York City did I ever think I’d be sitting here in the wholefoods parking lot for the 3rd time this week, 1 kid deep, wondering what I want from my life. I’ve already done it all and now at 40 I’m enjoying my 3 year old grow. Isn’t that enough? Is it? Do I need more? Do I deserve more? What is more … what does that even mean?

My marriage is great, I love my husband, I’m spiritual, connected, genuinely happy, and my child is pure joy. So why still a bit uncomfortable in my skin, why still unable to conquer fears, dreams, find who I am. Why do I always eat that one cookie that prevents me from meeting my weight goal the next day or look at my phone when I should be reading a book?

I know mostly who I am. I’ve reprogrammed myself from it all. Or so I thought. All the bad parenting, all the damage from dating in nyc, all the negative evil world energy you pick up as you live, as you breath. But still at 40 why am I still longing for something more? Missing something. Needing a different lifestyle, a different life. Why do I get bored just after each new iteration of a new life I create. Am I addicted to creating something new or am I just board with humanity, people, materialism, mom stuff, zombies — so many zombies around me. Do they get it? Do they want more?

I’m so intrigued by this planet and people so why the boredom? Maybe everyone in the suburbs is bored? Maybe I need to grow up? I swore I would never do this. I would never fall into this rut of work, eat, sleep — who had this car and has that dinning room table. Who cares!???! I don’t and I’m bored. You bore me. I’m bored out of my mind!!

But what’s a girl to do? Move to the city lock into 12 years of private school fees? Lock myself into having to work always? Don’t I want more freedom than that? Freedom. That’s a good word ! Do I really feel free anymore. No, no I don’t. Freedom doesn’t really exist with a child. Or maybe it’s my mindset. Maybe I’m conforming to what I think is best for my child and killing who I am in the meantime.

I had dreams and I accomplished them, I traveled the world, became an executive and should be happy to settle into this new life. I am happy — but I want more much much more. More excitement, more interesting things to do, more challenges. More. I thought I was zen. Maybe I’m not.

Maybe I’m nothing. That. I thought I was.

Maybe I’m someone new.

Can you get reincarnated into the same lifetime?

I’m always tired, tired and bored of coming to wholefoods and making dinner menus and working and waking up in the same house.

I want to take my family and have an adventure, explore life, show my daughter the world, love, grow, experience, build an empire — do more. This can’t be it. In one way it’s everything, but why does my skin crawls wanting more. More. I just know I want more. I’ve known that one truth my entire life. But what is more? How the hell do I get it? What is the damn answer??!? It haunts me. I’ve been chasing it for a lifetime and I want answers people!

Will I be 50 and not know? Will I be 60 and not know. How can I create this? How can I make this happen for myself before I die? I must know what more is.

Do you know what your more is?

Please. Tell me.