I get it. You have a baby now and it’s daunting. You are responsible for everything with this tiny human. Your husband is in it with you. It’s true, there was that time when she threw up on herself in bed and he slept right through it. Yes, overall he does an amazing job. But you’re really the one. The default parent. You have that deep connection forged by generations of being human, old as hell instincts and motherhood that is thrust upon you. You must listen to its call!
Yes, as mothers we do have deep instincts. But do we have to automatically attach guilt and worry to our plight? Isn’t it bad enough we get all the tough jobs. Carrying, feeding and giving birth to the baby. Do we really need to add worrying to the list as well? Since the day I found out I was pregnant, I’ve gone from living in a bubble (a beautiful one I might add) to wrought with constant responsibility and worry. Does that sound like fun to you? It’s not! I doubt my husband and my daughter find it fun either. They tell me not to worry all the time. Why don’t I listen?
So when January 2016 rolled around I decided to make my New Year’s resolution about committing to release this added guilt and worry. Let’s just say it didn’t go very well at first. It actually didn’t go well for a long time. I’m the first to admit, this resolution was really, really HARD. Losing 10 pounds would have been easier.
In the end, my biggest realization was understanding that kids vibe of you. When I worry, she worries. When I feel guilt it affects her too. I’m anxious, she’s anxious. I’m no fun, she can’t feel good either. https://sg.theasianparent.com/your-emotions-affect-your-babys-mood/. Kids are just a mirror of you at a basic level. I finally got this concept and it catapulted me in the right direction toward fulfilling my New Year’s resolution.
If you haven’t made your resolution yet for 2017, try this one on for size. Just to help out, I’ve shared my recovery steps with you below. Good luck and God Speed!
#1 Make sure you’re ready! Are you ready to release the guilt? I’m talking about generations upon generations of guilt here. As sick as it is, guilt and worry can be somewhat comforting. So you need to be ready, you need to want it so bad you can taste it. If not, it simply won’t work.
#2 Awareness. Start noticing that your child is a reflection of you. If you fear, so will they. If you worry, so will they. If you feel guilty, you are validating this emotion for them. Take the time to notice your behavior toward them and their reaction. This will take time but eventually you’ll see the truth right in front of you. It becomes pointless to hold on to these emotions when they are not only hurting you but also your child.
#3 Look at the big picture! Do you love your kid? Do you treat your kid with respect? That’s pretty much enough to make them into a stellar human being. Everything else is just gravy.
#4 Positive thinking. Keep reminding yourself that 99% of the time it’s usually alright. Every time your kid gets sick or they hurt themselves, it usually turns out alright. Try not to worry unless there is something to really worry about.
#5 Adopt the fender bender theory. I heard this theory from a friend but it applies so nicely here. You hope your child’s first accident is a fender bender so they can feel the power of the car and understand the gravity of a real accident; hopefully this will cause them to avoid a major accident at all costs. This applies to falling and making mistakes.
#6 Release. This meditation exercise works for me now like magic. While you are feeling extreme guilt, worry or anxiety; sit down. Breath in and out a few times and scan your body (try to locate) where these dark emotions are sitting. Imagine draining the black energy of these emotions out and filling up the empty space with love and faith.
Overall I’ve noticed, the less I stress about my daughter, the healthier and happier she is. It all seems so simple now.
Happy resolution making!